But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
