she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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