dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
