i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Randomize
