Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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