guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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