And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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