i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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