Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Plan B is the new Plan A
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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