im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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