forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
