Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
