She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
