I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
