i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
