Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
