I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
