If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
