haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
