you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
