I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
