i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
