She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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