Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm like, not good at living.
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