I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
