We're like a lot better than the average bears
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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