She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
