I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
