Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
