Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
