You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
