You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Semen is not good for contacts.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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