24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
