by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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