Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
