Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
