Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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