"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
