lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she told me i tasted like america
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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