She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
