dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
