just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
