i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
