tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
