went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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