no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
