I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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