if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
