Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
