I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I deserve this hangover.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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