; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
