I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
