would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
