i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
