no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
