i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
