I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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