Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
